Stepping Up

Parker enjoying his first fish catch of the day

Many people don't know this. But, David and I met through the story of a little boy. At the age of 28, David stepped up, loved and took care of a child that was not his own. He treated the child like a son and cared for him until the age of 6 when it was time for him to grow, be loved and cared for by his mother. During the time David cared for the child,  I came into the picture ( that is a whole other story, but a good one:). I admired and was comforted seeing a man  step up to care for someone that was not his. I was amazed at who David became as a father to this young child and his heart for the situation. I always told David that is why I fell in love with him, it was his heart.

That same young boy is turning 18 this month. Through some crazy God winks.....that are unexplainable..... we have reconnected and I have had the chance to tell him about who David was and how David loved him. 


This heart of David's continued as we had kids and grew in our friendships with other families. With the busy schedules of many dads, and the required girls night out for us mom's, he was the first to step up and be the fun dad and take the kids on walks, pecan tree visits, jeep rides and even change that occasional diaper. He was a man that........stepped up 

As the months have gone by, I have seen many fathers/husbands.......step up.......in my children's lives.  Whether it is taking Parker golfing, allowing Audrey the chance to join in a school lunch to just coming up and having a genuine heart to heart talk with my kids.... they have stepped up. Yes, they have busy schedules and families of their own, but they recognize the heart David had and the heart of the children he has left behind. They carry on the legacy and they......step up.  It is not out of obligation....but of love. Some have amazed me and I go home and the best way to thank their families is to pray for their rewards in heaven. That they will recognize the Godly legacy they are living and honoring. 

Today, we celebrated Parker's 4th birthday. With out asking, two men from our church........stepped up. Their wives and their families.......stepped up. They understood Parker's desire for fishing and what seemed like the impossible, they made possible. Of course, like all major Hurst events the last 6 months, it rained and rained. My prayer.........

Lord... keep the rain. We know the beauty in it. But, today. Today let Parker see the beauty in friendships. Let him see and feel creation and the joy of the wilderness and outside. Let him look to these men and see what it means to step up and know one day that his daddy was one of these men. And the rain...well, we will just dance in it. 

What do you know? The rain stopped when we showed up to the fishing pond. It was the most perfect and beautifulest of days for fishing. Each boy......caught a fish... ( with a little adult help). Our friends, Scott and Jeff organized the whole afternoon and fishing of fun. The part that makes it genuine.......they were not asked. I even tried to veto. This is not their job. They have families and busy jobs and lives of their own........but....they took time out of their day and did what we are all called to do........ step up. 

I thank each and everyone of you that have loved on our family. It is not an expectation, but when you do, it is a comfort. You have stepped up in our lives in ways that I know and you know, David would in yours. You have loved us, you have embraced our family, you have been models to my children and you have left and carried a legacy. We thank you for the non physical ways you step up......praying, thinking of us and following our journey and love you for it. 

As we came home, Parker, Audrey and I sat in the living room opening the presents..... just us. I sat there thinking how much I wish David was there with us three....ooohing and ahhhing with parker over all of his gifts. It was just then my phone beeped and later looked at it to see this picture from a friend saying........look outside your house! Look at the sky!

He hasn't stopped stepping up.............................



Taking Steps of Faith,

Dana
More pictures

The Black Dress

Audrey happy and jumping on the day of David's Memorial, October 26th 

The past few weeks, it has been a struggle between the anticipation of the future and the fear of the unknown. What do I know when it comes to writing? So many different options?  Am I willing to take these steps? So many different opinions? Where do I go from here?????????????????

I am thankful to all of you that have followed, shared and validated the emotions I feel daily as I take one step forward . The steps are towards hope and joy of what is to come. You have encouraged me in ways that I miss greatly from David.  What is amazing and Godly is that 99 percent of you,  I do not know. But, you know me, you know my heart and the raw emotions our family experienced the pass two years.  You didn't turn away, you cheered us on, you prayed us forward and you loved us no matter.

When we knew David was only a few days from passing a friend mentioned my need to hunt for The Black Dress. As the time approached there was no way I would stain one of my dresses with the stain of loss and suffering. Sounds dark doesn't it? That is what The Black Dress represented to me. My options? I didn't want to buy a new dress. This dress would be one I could guarantee would not be worn again. I did not want something hanging in my closest that reminded me each day of a sad day where we said goodbye. So, instead, I rented my dress. That is easy right? Arrives the day before, wear it, embrace it, pack it up and then send it off. Not to be looked at again?

Not so much.................. 

No matter, what dress I chose, rented, used, stashed away,  let's face it, I am still the owner of The Black Dress. I may not have a visual representation of it hanging in my closet, but that does not mean it is not there. I am not divorced, I am not separated, I am a widower. The word sounds so strong, black and dark. Especially at the age of 33. But, through these last 5 months, I am learning I can wear The Black Dress.  I can own it. I can embrace it. It can be bitter but sweet, it can be hopeful, vibrant, faithful. It CAN BE BEAUTIFUL. And it can have a future.

Where that future is? I wish I had the answer.. ..For now, lots of prayer, obedience, time, patience, faith and your constant encouragement.....

But, what I do know... The Black Dress does not define me.... it is how I choose to wear it that does. 

The Owner of The Black Dress

Change

Amazing what one year can bring. One year ago, David was crowned King at a local fundraiser, me... well i stole his crown and thought I was queen. Happy, joyful, little did we know 7 months later, David would be receiving a different crown in Heaven.

David and I were married when I was 23. Which was considered very young in my college group of friends. Most of my friends were starting their 4th or 5th years of college and our gifts consisted of spatula's and kitchen tools. I was the first to get married and the first to have a child. With these milestones of celebrations came change. As a married couple we moved to Nebraska away from all that I knew and with the non existent social media, friendships changed. They weren't loss. They just changed. Conversations about poopy diapers didn't seem quite interesting to my friends and their nights out. We still remained close, things just changed. Now, it has been ten years and we are finally united in the same stages, marriage, kids, jobs, but now my life has changed. My family of ten years is made up of a different dynamic. I am not divorced, I am not separated, I am widowed. A change that many my age don't experience.

It has been one year since David was crowned King for a cause close to both of our hearts. This past Saturday, I told myself like a Chu Chu train getting to the top... I think I can.. I think I can... wait?! I can ... I can.. I can... Sensitivity to the realness of the situation, I choose not to see the crown being passed and attended and supported a different fundraiser of a local school. My determination....can I embrace this event solo? With out my husband? With out my link?



It was beautifully put together and all for a wonderful local school. I felt special to be included with the same group of friends that David and I have grown to call family. I didn't even mind the dressing up in hideous 80's wear. It was fun. ( theme of the event).We took a limo and danced away to 80's music that only someone born in the last ten years has an excuse to not remember. As I sat there embracing the moment, listening to the same band that I last heard at David's celebration, eight months earlier, I recognized the change I had anticipated. My link was missing...I didn't have him to go out and dance with, I couldn't chuckle at the noticeable age difference in our dancing, he wasn't there to get my drink, to check if I needed anything, we couldn't talk about what time we needed to be home for the sitter, my partner, my best friend, what made us " The Hurst" was just me.... things had changed......... 

I can handle this change. I can take it with a positive attitude I can embrace it.  The loss. The loss I cannot handle. The loss I can say sucks. The loss I can only embrace with the joy I find in my faith. The loss, that I hand over to God.  As the wife of David, his best friend, I recognize more everyday, there is more involved then just me. I grieve for so many of the relationships that have been loss with his passing. My grieving is not for me, but tears for them.  I grieve daily for the loss of a relationship between a father and son. Parker does not go a day with out mentioning Daddy at least ten times. Today he told me he picked mint chocolate chip ice cream because it's green and that is his daddy's favorite color. I smile, and say you are right! Good job buddy! And then I grieve for this heart. His loss of his daddy. 

I grieve the loss of a relationship between a father and daughter. David was always the easy parent. He would take Audrey to ski school. If she cried, he brought her right back. As many may remember, the most read book by David, Strong fathers, Strong Daughters. His little girl. If she played in a soccer game and decided she didn't want to play, he let her sit out and hang with him. I grieve this loss. We balanced each other as we raised Audrey. There are many day's I see in Audrey's eyes her loss of the parent who treated her like, " daddy's little girl." No matter how hard I try, I am not both.

I grieve the loss of a relationship between a mother/father and their son. David's parents visited us for the first time since the memorial. We have made an effort to see them monthly in their home, but this time invited them to see us. It was challenging, it was difficult. As they walked in the doors to a home that their son put love and dedication into. Pictures surrounded them and the familiarity and loss were all too close. I grieved with them, the loss of their relationship with their son. No son should pass before a parent we say. But, it happens, and we grieve the loss of the loving relationship that was once held.

I grieve the loss of a doctor. It didn't matter the hours or day. Sometimes I felt like we had a 24 hour ER in our home. Stitches on neighborhood kids on our kitchen counters, late night calls on how much ibprophen to give their child, and early text messages of pictures... Do you know what this is David? I don't feel so well? That loud activity is now gone. That easy way to catch David at any minute and know he would take care of you. I grieve the loss of the way his passion helped so many others.

And lastly, I grieve the loss of his friendships. I feel so lucky to have a husband that had so many wonderful friends. The majority of his friends check in on me weekly to see how I am. They keep updated on the kids. They pray for our family, they encourage me, they remind me of the brothers they were to David and they grieve his loss.

As we celebrate new changes and we experience loss in life, we grieve, we hope and we move forward. Our relationships change and we gain new relationships. They are not the same, they are not better, they are not worse. They are different. They are new........... They are beautiful........The are more true and vulnerable because these relationships have loss together, celebrated together, they have grieved together....... and with joy in our faith...... and the love of life.........we move forward together.  

Taking Steps of Faith,

Dana Hurst 

He is laid to Rest

It was read..........

 

David, you are loved, you are missed, you are cherished and you are forever in our lives. We will always honor you and believe your soul rest with us...........You are daddy, you are husband, you are friend and you are love. Your body will now rest back to creation. Your request, where nature prevails. Your spirit will live in our hearts forever.  We will always feel your continued peace in our lives... we will see you soon, love you always and forever. Dana, Audrey and Parker

 

David loved the freedom of skiing, the thrill and the peaceful beauty of the magnificent creation of God's mountains. It was decided weeks before David's death, half of his ashes would be spread where he found the most peace, the Colorado mountains. For the pass eight plus years, fifteen guys have gotten together, to travel, to experience and to share in the joy of skiing. These were David's " buddies". Many who were close to David knew his excitement and anticipation upon the yearly, " guys ski trip." I on the other hand, will fully admit, I did not share in that same excitement. Which is why, I did not attend these, nor was I invited:) There are some things just meant for the guys:)

 

Many may question, why I did not take part in this most symbolic ceremony. Again, there are some things just meant for the guys. David was suppose to be on this trip this year. David was the first one down the mountain, hollering his Woot Woot and skiing fearlessly with a huge smile on his face. That is where David should have been this year. But, he was not. This year, these guys, these friends took on the task of doing something their hearts never planned and their lives did not intend. Instead of racing down the first place of fresh powder, they were carrying a black box of ashes of a body of their dearest and closest friend. These loyal, loving men, who I am proud to call David's friends hiked to the top of Telluride, Colorado mountain, 13,000 feet and shared their hearts in prayer, in the most beautiful place imaginable and spread the ashes of their dearest, most loving friend, David. I felt a peace all day today, knowing that David was honored in a way from those he loved and called family. I was comforted to know, the planning, the perfection put into every detail to put David's earthly body to rest. I was saddened as this moves us one more step forward in a place where I wish I could be ten steps backward and never even have to enter. But, we are here. And we will continue to move forward, knowing that David is with us. Friendship  means so many things on so many levels. These men took their hearts to a level that I know will be with them forever. Our family, Audrey, Parker and I , are forever grateful for the way they stood up today for our family, for their daddy and my husband and friend. These pictures will serve as a memory for Parker and Audrey. They will know who their daddy was, because of the friends he carried in his life. It will show Parker the example, of what it means to be a man and to stand up for a friend when God calls you.  

 

 

 

 

Did you know you need a knife? As these men hiked to the top...no one else around. They pulled out the black box. But, couldn't open? No one thought about a knife to open the box. Kind of like, a lighter to light the birthday candle. Who would of thought:)  Out of nowhere a snowboarder appeared. They hadn't seen him their whole way up the mountain, nor did they see him again. He noticed what they were doing and said, "Hey man. Sorry about your friend, do you need a knife?"  The guys of course said yes, opened the box with the borrowed knife. Told the guy thanks and with in seconds the snowboarder was gone.

 

There is no doubt in my mind, although David was not with them physically, he was present, one step ahead the whole time.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I won't forget

I have had three dreams with David in them. The first one happened just a few weeks after his death. He was still sick. He couldn't talk, the community was around him and I watched as I saw him wither away once again in my dream. The second dream happened just a few weeks after that. He was healthy. We were all standing around him in awe. Thinking and believing his body was no longer dying. Have you ever had one of those dreams you want to talk, shout scream, but you can't? That was it. I sat there running up to him. Trying to tell him all that I wanted to tell him. I was apart of this dream. It wasn't real. It looked real. But, my emotions were felt in this dream and I knew I was seeing him and he would soon be gone. I ran to him...I tried...I tried so hard. He simply put his hand up to my mouth and said...Shhhhh. He said he would be leaving in 5 days ( still have no idea what that is all about), but that he will ALWAYS be watching over the kids. And then I woke up. It was light outside...Audrey and Parker standing there wide eyed, waiting for me to get up. ( never claimed to be mother of the year)., I wanted to go back to bed. I wasn't done. I needed to tell him all that I didn't get to say.

Then the holidays and New Years approached. I was humbled as so many outreached. You loved our family, in a way that I promise and hope to pay it forward to others. You showed that among suffering, we are not alone. Many over the last few months have acknowledged and accepted my vulnerability. They have understood and grieved with me. Friends and family have been a foundation for getting through any day. The blog has hit over 6,000. I remember the day David passed it just reached 4,000. There have been 2,000 more likes since his passing. Those likes are a constant reminder to the love that never fails. It is crazy. On some of my dark nights, 30 more people will like our page. It baffles me...but maybe God is more into social media then we realize:) Created it for his good right? They are reminders at just the right time of the love that is lost on this earth from David, but being carried on by you and the unchanging God.

I am glimpsing into 2014. Wanting to miss David so I remember him. Fears creep in of forgetting ( grief 101). David's father said it best, we miss, so we don't forget. This is the one part of my grief that I struggle with the most, believing the baby steps to move on is necessary, but what if I forget?  Before David ever got sick he always acknowledged that one day he may not be here. He would always express his worry and fear of me not being able to move forward. He wanted me and encouraged me to. When Cancer hit, he encouraged it more, for the kids it was important. But, again, what if I forget? What if I forget what it was like when he proposed? What if I forget? I tell myself over and over...don't forget. You won't forget.

And then the God wink happened.....Two nights ago, I had the pleasure of another visit from David in my dreams. After weeks of struggle, trying to figure out and praying for wisdom on how to move forward without forgetting. David was there, in my dream. We were taking a plane somewhere. I guess their is no FFA in dreams, because I was able to sit on his lap:) I bet David fit that one into the dream:)  Again, I wasn't able to talk. He just looked at me. And with the same simplicity he does with any dream, he looked through my heart and knew and said, I will not forget you. And I woke up.

The crazy thing about this dream, is.............. it wasn't David speaking. It took me a few days of reflection to understand this. There is one thing I know about David. He believed, preached and encouraged everyone to realize the gift of life. To move forward. This life is not hell. It is not heaven either.  But, it is creation, It is God's creation. Meant to find joy in him in him alone. While I sit here worrying about forgetting, deep down, I worry about being forgotten. For it is in the suffering the last two years that I felt the strongest in our faith, the most encouraged from God. And now that journey is over... and less God winks happening.... and I don't feel the closeness I once felt. I anticipate what 2014 holds.... And am set free knowing that the most important person, God.... has not forgotten me. David gave me the reassurance when he was alive. Over and over. It was always the first thing he said each time, each tumor came back. He had no fear. But, he knew I needed to know, he would always be with us. And now I continue to have the reassurance, the God of all,  in my sad days or my good days, will not forget me. He is walking alongside me.  And David..........that is a love that will always be connected. When your soul feels it you can't do anything else but believe it and know it, you just have to allow yourself to.

Today I was at our local grocery store, HEB, trying to be a fly on the wall. The sweet lady checking me out said I looked familiar? At first I said I don't know? Maybe being at HEB all the time! I then brought the blog up out of the blue...and with a heart that shined she shared with me how she had been following. She even started bringing up some of the stories in the blog about the leaf and other things and had to stop in fear of tears..... you see on days when I miss David with fears of forgetting..God brings people like Mandi in my life to remind me..........I won't forget. He hasn't forgotten. Whether he uses his God winks, others, or just the awakening of your soul. It is his story. Meant to be remembered, cherished and shared.

As we anticipate what 2014 holds, I am reminded on what David wrote July of 2013 when the third tumor had substantially grown and use it as we go into 2014.........

So, we will accept this new challenge and attack it head on with strong support from God and all of our prayer warriors.  I am excited to rise to this new challenge as I feel we all have in the past.  Dana and I appreciate all the prayers you all have given us over the past few years and only hope to return your love by our faith in the Lord as our savior.  Please Pray with us as we continue the next chapter in our journey.

 

 

In the dark, there is light. Taking Steps of Faith,

 

Dana

To love or Judge

A couple of weeks ago, my neighbor stopped by. Once again, it started with, don't think I am crazy. I love when it starts like this. Usually means something fun:)) She talked about the lamp on top of her mailbox. It is not powered by a switch, instead it is powered by the sun. When the sun sets, the light turns on. When the sign rises, it turns off. The night David passed away, October 26th, the light turned on at sunset a little before six. Normal right? The thing is, the light bulb had been burnt out for months. At this time, she did not know David had passed. She checked with everyone that she could think of that may have changed the bulb. No one. The next day, she found out David passed. She remembered the light. It crossed her mind. Was there a relation? She thought no more about it. Until the next night when it turned on again at dark and off at sunrise. It did this every night, until Wed. Wednesday the 30th the light did not turn on again. Two days ago, as I wrote this blog, I felt the need to look at David's cremation certificate. The day, Wednesday, October 30th. The same day, the light burnt out, the day his body was no more a part of this world.

I think about the weeks before David and I got married. Several people had reservations about our union because in their eyes we were unequally yoked. This perception of others grew heavy on me for years. I searched the bible on what it was that would give this perception. I too had this same perception. It has only been in the last few weeks as I grow in my faith, I learn more, I understand more then ever. Our marriage was only unequally yoked, because of my Americanized version of Christianity. Let me explain................... but first off.....know this is my own conviction. Not that of others. This has been a long journey for me and I am still transforming into the person, mother, friend, daughter God wants me to be.
The first 8 years of our marriage I would harp on David about my concerns from day one. It was a constant argument. What I believed a Christian to be. He would always come back with the same answer. Dana, I believe in God, I believe Jesus is the son of God. But, to ask me to go to the front of church to say I accept? I believe I already have. My relationship with God is one that takes work. And I am not going to lie and say it is perfect just so people will think we are equally yoked, because as far as I am concerned we are.
So, that was it. I loved him, I knew he believed. His way was not my way, but he believed. This started our marriage. This constant conversation that went the same way. For 8 years I had a perception of what a Christian was and is. I was that. I was the one who had it right, David did not. I prayed and prayed and told others to pray for David's heart, because it needed work. I would say his life never really grew closer to God those 8 years, but neither did mine. But, again, I was right.. Why? No not because I am always right:) I think I just heard thunder?:))  But, because I made a commitment in front of the church at the age of 8. And I was right. I was the Christian in the eyes of the Church, David was not.
Two weeks before David was diagnosed with Cancer we had friends over.  I can't remember how. But, in some way our conversation went to our faith. I was always the first to " defend mine." A friend looked at David and said,  How can you believe in God, when you see young children get sick and die in the hospital? Those are children? I was curious for David's answer. I mean what did David know? I never saw him attend bible study? He went to church with me Sunday. But, his faith was not mine. He plain and simply said, they aren't our children. They are God's. They are going home. Perfect, true, not a defensive word in his bone, just truth. And the conversation went on to faith and hope. Two weeks later David was diagnosed with Cancer.
David was always great at all he did. He prided himself on his amazing health, his work ethic, his expert shot in hunting, his dare devil non fear of skiing. Oh and his wonderful wife. You name it, David was good at it. And he had it all. When the Cancer was discovered. It was a shock. David? He never did anything that would harm his body or give him Cancer. How could this happen? To him? If you read David's first blog you can feel and hear his frustration on why him?
In that first week we prayed with the Elders of our church. David prayed in front of everyone, Lord, I know I will be in heaven with you, but I am not ready yet. I need more time with my kids. Of course this brought tears to all. It was then that I knew in my heart that David would be OK and in heaven and I was the one with the unwavering faith. Miraculously, God provided. He gave us two years of trips and memories. Not only more memories, but besides a scan, David showed no change in quality of life. Many will look at this and acknowledge that God heard that prayer, loud and clear.

John 9: 1-7 As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

From that day on. David's life changed. He grew in his faith, he grew in his relationship with God. His faith did not waiver. You would ask him if he was scared, his response until the day he passed no. He always said Heaven will be beautiful and that he will never stop watching over the kids. He was a leader in his faith. When asked how people can pray for him, he would always respond, don't pray for me. Pray for your families.I remember our Pastor walking out of David's room a few days before David passed and saying, I hope when I pass, I am half the man he is. WHAT? Never in my mind did I imagine a Pastor to say this about David.
It has been in these last two months, that I have grown more then I ever have in my relationship with Christ. I have started meditation and have a yearning for feeling and knowing. I journal and anticipate so much on what the next day brings. I have started wonderful friendships with a native American,  and a Hindu. Did you know we have the same God? Did you know they also believe in Christ and the spirit? I didn't. In our conversations we have talked about the mysteries of God, the beauty of the creation all around us. About eternal life. We have developed a great respect for each other. We reference scripture. We talk about the gift of life, the reward of heaven. We talk about the ways God still shows David is watching over the kids and I. We have deep conversations on what it is to live your God given purpose and feel the presence of God. All of this has helped the grieving process and the joy in Christ I find despite my circumstances.

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

So, as I sit here.  And recall the question I was asked about David, 10 years ago. I wish I could replay it back and answer this time. I don't know? But, what I do know is God loves him and he loves God. And I do too. And in God's eyes that is what matters.


Romans 14:1 As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions
But instead...........

Galations 5:14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

It was through our circumstances, David and I both realized what knowing God really does mean.
I encourage us all, as we go through this holiday season, to simply love. God does not need you to speak truth on your opinions. He may use you. But, he does not need you. So, when it comes to loving or speaking your faith or religion of truth, I believe the most effective and Godly way would be to start with loving first.

The kids and I have been overwhelmed with thankfulness for your love for us. Everyday there is a new item being delivered from people we know and don't know. Our tree has become a daddy tree:) You all have sent amazing ornaments made with pictures of our family.  It has also become an angel tree with the angel ornaments from those in the Waco community. But, most importantly it has become one that shows love from all of you. Thank you. It has brought us joy this season.  It has also given us the courage to spread joy to others in small ways. 

Tonight I go to sleep with the sweet ornament that came at the perfect timing.........

I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes and all of your cares
I'll even remind you to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you, You still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment, to stay in his grace
I came here before you to help set your place

You don't  have to be perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip, if you continue the climb

To my family and friends,
Please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you, In a new special way

I love you all dearly,
Now don't shed a tear
cause I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year.

Child Like Faith - a real true blessing

Blessed: 

1. made holy; consecrated.

2. endowed with divine favor and protection

3. bringing pleasure or relief as a welcome contrast to what one has previously experienced

4. those who live with God in heaven

Thankful 

1. Aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.

2. Expressive of gratitude: a thankful smile 

www.thefreedictionary.com/thankful

  

Four weeks after David's passing. There has been no time to breath, with birthdays, anniversaries, thanksgiving and now Christmas just around the corner. I mean seriously? I could have handled a holiday like St. Patty's day? But, these are the real deal holidays. Holidays, when I, like so many others, sit there and count my blessings. For the past 33 years, my blessings? My family, my children, good health, my marriage, our home, the abundance of what we have. We were blessed? But, was I? 
If I was, the past 33 years. If I was blessed with all the things I mentioned above, then that means that this Thanksgiving, this holiday. I am not. I am not blessed because, my husband is gone. No, we are not divorced. No, he did not leave us. No, he is not on vacation. He is somewhere that is untouchable. He was not healthy before he left. By, our version of blessed. Our facebook version of blessed. My version of blessed a few years ago. You are blessed with good health? But, David was sick? He was dying? Was he not blessed? 
Absolutely not........he was the closest thing to God............which makes him the most blessed.

Thank goodness for A God that unveils himself on  the darkest of days. That shows me, he is not a God that gives house, health, family to bless. He is not a God that takes away, so that we may say, this God did not bless me. No. He constantly blesses us with his love. When we feel him, we are blessed. We have a choice to feel him and to be blessed. If it is in the things we rejoice, or the things we suffer. It is experiencing him that makes us blessed. How can we know true joy if we don't experience sadness. How can we experience the good of people, if we don't experience the bad? How can we experience good health, if we don't experience sickness. The beauty of being blessed....you choose. Not God, you choose. You choose if you want to receive the blessing of his love in your happiness or your suffering. This season....This Holiday.....among the night tears of loss...... I wake up.....I feel.....I choose....And learn what really matters.........Life is a gift.......we have a God given purpose......and can say, I truly feel blessed. 

As many know, when asked about my ten year anniversary, my response... I survived. When asked about my thanksgiving holiday.....I survived. I miss David every minute. But, I am finding joy in each day and living. I am blessed more this thanksgiving then I ever have been, I have an appreciation for life that I never had before. I treasure it as a gift and a purpose. This Thanksgiving, I was thankful to be with David's family. I am thankful as this weekend opened communication on their importance in Audrey and Parker's life. That one day soon, Audrey and Parker will want to know more about their daddy. David's family can share this. That when Parker looks at his Uncle, he see's someone that looks a lot like his daddy. I am blessed with in laws because through them God has shown me, they grieve with me, they mourn with me and they find joy and the permission of it with me. Through the suffering and brokeness of death, God has shown me, the strength he has given me through them. That I am still their daughter in law, and death will not sepreate that. 

I will admit, I woke up Thanksgiving heart ready. But, as I looked at Facebook, my heart sunk. Beautiful family postings.... blessed for good health..... and I thought, this was me....this was us. But, then came the heart of a 3 year old to teach me the true meaning.  We sat around the thanksgiving table saying what we were thankful for. Twelve of us saying, Family, health, job, friends......and then came Parker's turn. He said, I am thankful for my daddy. Yes, thankful for a daddy that is not here. A daddy that was not healthy. But, Parker, unlike so many of us is probably the closet to the spirit then any of us. And their is no doubt in my mind, that although he endures the daily sadness and loss of his daddy, he feels his daddy. And he feels Christ. And for that Parker is blessed and thankful. His daddy. Something he can't see, or touch. But, he knows he will one day.The faith of a child. 
Matthew 18:3
And said, " Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 

David is blessed in heaven and the last four weeks we have been blessed, and say that and believe that:) with his constant presence. Because we know that is only from God. Many who follow us on facebook, know that I hesitated to put up Christmas decorations. Baby steps:)  Instead, I started a new tradition of taking Audrey and Parker to go pick out little tree's for their room and a handful of ornaments. As always, was amazed with Audrey's choices of cross, angel, green for daddy and the word peace.

As we drove out each morning after our decorations, I noticed a little leaf staying on a tree in our backyard. It stayed there for both cold fronts that blew in below freezing temperatures and high winds. One single leaf. Shaped like a heart. Every day, a constant reminder from a conversation I had with David before he passed, that he will always be watching over us.

Coming back from Thanksgiving, Audrey acknowledged Christmas was right around the corner. We all know, it is literally right around the corner. I reminded her of their already decorated Christmas trees in their rooms. She insisted we pull down our big family tree and do the outside lights. At first I told her, it was just too hard for mommy to do on her own this year. It was then I realized, how my kids are still processing. LIke it was no big deal, she asked me to call daddy in heaven because they have to have cell phones. Everybody does, right? After a heart felt conversation, I couldn't say no to the tree. I had to suck it up. And David, would tell me to also:) So, with some help from neighbors we got our tree up and decorated the whole outside with lights. Already looking like a beautiful Christmas. The best part of doing this, it was a high of 80 degrees. The next morning, I pulled out, all happy to start the day and of my accomplishments and I noticed........the leaf was gone. It wasn't a windy day, it was calm. It was beautiful. The leaf never blew in the windiest of days, but there in the prettiest and calmest of days, it was gone. And for once, felt David saying, You Got this. 

The day went on as one of joy, as I kept telling myself, you got this. But as night came, it felt lonely. My mind ran as the leaf was gone, symbolized David being gone. I cried to God for the strength for the next day. For just one more sign...just one more. I mean come on.........just one more. Again, this is when someone looking in probably says, COME ONE, haven't you had enough.  But, I am human:)  Today, I kept myself busy. My best therapy:) Planting pots, finished the last of the lights, enjoyed the 80 degree weather and an unexpected guest showed up. She introduced herself, Leslie. She said she has been following the blog and wanted to take a few minutes to talk to me. She said she bought me a gift weeks ago. That she didn't know when the right time would be to bring it. She talked to her husband about it. He said, just go over, it will be fine. She prayed about it. And like so many of us, she said give me a sign when the right time to take this over would be. As she sat on my porch, she showed me a box that arrived, weeks after this prayer. It was from Amazon. It held Christmas gifts for the holiday season. The return address.......David Hurst. Of the Millions of people that Amazon ships to and from, her return address was David Hurst. She needed no more and came over to deliver the gift. Little did she know, today was my first day to experience the no leaf, the you Got this, the first day after crying out to God...... please one more........... And there in my hands she handed my the UPS box for me to have and her gift, a sweet pillow that read...Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. 

Taking Steps By Faith,

Dana Hurst 

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Anonymous....not so much

“Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.” Albert Einstein 

A few days ago I received an email from a neighbor. She wanted to confirm before she wrote, that she was not crazy. Crazy? Lately, I think I am crazy, so I am not one to judge anyone else:) She woke up from a vivid dream the morning of October 26th, the day David pass.

Her email read.............
I was in a  quaint town… the kind that has cobblestone roads. I was running some errands and as I walked out onto the sidewalk I see  David. Your David… He looked like his normal self-- all smiles. I looked at him and said “ David, Hi!” He didn’t seem to know who I was so I said “its Priti… Vik’s wife and he nodded and said “ oh Vik’s wife- Hi.” ( we think he looked at Priti like this, not because he didn't know her, but because he was wondering what she was doing there:))  
So then I said “How are you?” and he said “ I’m good and you know Dana’s good now” I said “ that’s great... but  what are you doing?” He said “Oh I’m just saying my goodbyes” So I then hugged him and said “ please be safe” and he smiled this huge smile and said  ”I will be” I then saw him pushing two glass doors open of a red brick building. Through the glass I could see a room filled with people… young and old. I also vividly saw a tall older man with a full head of white hair with kahki pants and a white button down shirt.   It was like they were waiting for David to come in. Like a get together of sorts and he was the Guest of Honor.I don’t know anyone of those people and I have never been to a town like that. As soon as he started to push the doors open I woke up and saw that it was 7:00 a.m. and I immediately felt that feeling that maybe David had passed. I quickly looked at my  emails and your blog…just to see if anything had happened. I don’t usually remember my dreams and I don’t think much of the ones that I do… But that dream… felt so real…

When I received this from Priti, I thought long and hard. What does this mean? The past three weeks I have learned nothing is of coincidence. Yes, it is easy to choke it all up to that. But, where is the beauty then? Where is God? Life is much more amazing and God is much more alive when we stop, look and feel his every day prescense. So, what does this dream mean............

First off, I have said since the day that David passed I felt he was entering the spiritual realm way before his body let go. The reason being, he continued throughout the day to raise his hands to the air. Thinking of Priti's dream I think about the ways his hands were raised and it was almost like he was giving hugs. I believe that is exactly what he was doing. What about him referencing saying goodbye? Saturday, October 26th was the day that I said goodbye. I said all I ever wanted to say and released David the best way my heart knew how. It was also the day that I called some of his closest friends from out of town, put the phone to David's ear, walked out and let them spend time saying goodbye to their friend.... so far everything to my neighbor's dream could be true? Right? OK, you are thinking...sure...where are the facts? The tall white haired man?

This can go a million directions. But, I choose to think one. I thought long and hard about this man and then I remembered one of David's best friends father. He is over 6 foot tall and has white, white hair. He passed away a year ago. His name was Bob. He was always the first to welcome anyone to any gathering:) What always stood out about him, beyond his smile, was his height and white hair:) I got a picture and showed it to my neighbor and she said that is him! That is the man, Dana. Who is he??? Well, I was sold then. Another come to Jesus moment:) But the rest of you may think, come on...we need more. We always do right???? 
So, I called the family members of Bob. I shared this same story that I shared with you today. Only, each of them stopped me with one important fact. And let me remind you...I called them at different times. Each one, wanting me to share the story to the other. And THEY ALL stopped me at one part of the story, the kahki pants and white shirt. The outfit he wore every day to work. They said, Oh my goodness Dana!! That is what he wore every day. A fact to you and I, that we simply look past like nothing. And no, the picture I showed Priti he was not wearing this. And no, there is not one picture of Bob in my house that would give her his look or outfit. Instead a fact, not mere coincidence, that God knew would seal the truth of his story and Priti's dream.

I don't believe this was heaven that David experienced, because he had not yet pass.  But, believe it was just the beginning. We know we will never understand all of it...but once again...it gives us hope on the reward of life after death. I think about how tall Bob is, and how David is not:) I think about David's hands reaching up so high to give Bob a hug and I remember. I remember one of the times David reached so high like he was giving  the biggest hug.This story is only one to the many other's I received from people I know and don't know. Stories where they have felt David's prescense and his life of love, hope and faith. I am so thankful for this gift they share with me. It reminds me of the beauty of whats to come. But , most importantly it reminds me how much God loves us. 

The children and I spend countless hours talking about daddy. All the conversations have been about love and our hope of seeing daddy one day. But, I am reminded. David is the bonus...God is the ultimate reward.  I asked Parker and Audrey how much they loved mommy and daddy? They said, to the moon and back. I said, do you know God loves me more then you love me??? No way, Audrey said.  Oh yes! But, that doesn't mean your love isn't needed and important to mommy, Audrey. Your love is! But, I need God's love too and he loves me more then just the moon and back. He loves us more then we can even say or know.  To outer space and back a million times over. And I think Daddy is experiencing all that love right now. Let's just say a little hard for them to wrap their minds around. Which I fully understand, because it is hard for me too. The amazing things that have happened, admist the loneliness times these past few weeks, I am reminded....I am not alone, God's love is enough and it is more abundant then I will ever know and understand. 



Because of your love! We have started to carry on David's memory! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Tonight was the opening of the new Baylor/Scott and White Cancer Center at Hillcrest hospital in Waco, Texas. The kids and I gave a blessing over the remission bell, thanking all of you and reminding people when patients ring this, it is for Team Hurst! You did this!  You showed what a community can do together when it involves love and faith. This bell is to give hope to each person that completes treatment! To remind them of their gift of life and the joy they can find in it.... thank you....we have just begun with the Memorial and will update with our progress. Tonight we honored David and glorified God. Thank you. 

Taking steps by faith,
Dana