Thursday, September 26, 2013

MRI Results

I know many of you have the date set for September 27th...David's MRI. The big news:) But, with some changes in David clinically we made a judgement call to move his MRI forward. With help from some amazing people at Hillcrest Hospital, David had his MRI this past tuesday when we got back from Denver. 

Before I get to the results, you will have to read all the exciting amazing things first:) We had the most amazing time in Denver this past weekend. I can not expand enough how God made that happen. I was nervous beyond belief and knew the risk. I am SO GLAD we did it and so thankful for all the people that worked hard to make it the most perfect trip. David did amazing on the flight up and was anxious and excited to see all of his friends. They all drove and flew in and spent pretty much 48 hours just hanging out. Walking around the village if they could and eating when David felt like it. We had so many amazing waitresses that were patient with David while he struggled to order or got easily frusterated. Thankful for these people. As they had no idea the condition, but could sense something was not right. The staff at the JW Marriott in DENVER AMAZING! Team Hurst bracelets all over and shirts. Each day there was a special surprise. We showed up to a room of green balloons, cards, gifts and so many other special things thanks to Team Hurst. It was perfect. 

On Sunday, the day before we left, was a day that David woke up and things started to become off. This was hard as our first two days in Denver were great. When I say off, cognitively his word choice became confusing and his sentence structure. We have had days like this before. So, I continued to watch him and knew it would be a short time before we headed home. Once we got home from Denver , the next day, things did not appear to be getting any better. Confusion on simple things, you poor your drink into a cup not on a plate, to some short term memory challenges. We also started to experience continued steroid rage. With the help of SOME AMAZING guys and friends of David's we could calm him and reassure him we all love him and that he will be ok. It is amazing. Whenever I think we have hit our worse, one of David's friends shows up and my husband gains a new found energy to talk, to move to have joy. He finds so so much joy in his friendships. The kids have experienced all these people coming to help and I try to remind them to have friends you have to be a friend and their daddy is such an amazing friend to all these guys and now they are here for him. The kids are handling all these changes SO WELL! And simply talk to Daddy like they can understand him or just pass it off as nothing. Thank the Lord. 

The little girl who sits next to Audrey in school, sweet Katie, showed Audrey her green Team Hurst bracelet on monday. Audrey came home that night and said Katie has a bracelet why don't I? I guess I never thought of it. So, told her I would get her one. Her response was she wanted one for the whole class:) So, we did just that. Audrey also talks to me about the little kids at school who are coming to her showing their bracelets or telling her they are praying for her daddy. I think it is pretty cool to see this in all these little kids and says so much about their parents and their love and support for us. Again....another amazing. 

Now, to the MRI. I am shocked I did not post results right away. But, needed a few days to grasp everything and still am working on our what is next? The good news is, their is not substantial growth. The bad news, their is no shrinkage either . He still has that massive tumor in his brain. It also appears from the MRI that David has been experiencing some strokes. Poor guy:((( The docs here in Waco, were pleased and surprised that there was no new growth. The Avastin and radiation has bought us some more time. I am trying to hard to be so positive about this. But, what I see in my husband clinically is him declining rapidly. 

My heart aches as again, he is everything he never was now. Steroids have done a good job of David pretty much not wanting to have much to do with me, and to add the tumor is in his frontal lobe. This has screwed with David's personality in a major way and his rational. I wish that the MRI staying stable for the most part meant my husband was stable. But, I am not seeing that. Again, I called in the troops:) And David's parents are here with me helping as we pray and search for the what is next. 

So, what is next? I have no idea. I have been lucky to have two years to prepare for these difficult days. David and I talked in great lengths about these days and what could happen. He always communicated that he did not want to live like this. He knew this disease can cause you to become all that you are not and the medication can as well. It has become very apparent that I can not do this on my own any more and that it is time to call in some help. With a three year old and a five year old, I can not be mommy to them and wife and caregiver to my husband. Which has been extremely hard for me to accept. I choose being the loving wife was a better route and let someone else be the caregiver and bad guy giving the medicine. I will just swoop in after and give him all the hugs:) 

In the next 24 hours we will look at calling in care to help and make some decisions. Please pray that God will guide us. I want to honor David and all his wishes he expressed for 2 years. But, with your mind in a fog, and running after 2 kids while also trying to hold it together so you don't cry at the next commercial, it is hard to think straight lately. I just want that clear answer and looking for my little side kick ( the old David) and he hasn't been around lately:(((

Today, I became very concerned about David. He was pretty out of it. His breathing very heavy. Well, with a phone call to some of his amazing friends who also happen to be physicians, they were over in a jiffy. They even brought him a big old juicy hamburger, lately his favorite. I saw my husband go from not communicating to getting up ( slowly) to eat lunch. All the guys went to chow down and David said, " wait we need to say hope " and someone said grace? And david said yes, Grace:) And the prayer began.........

Even when he is completely out of it, cancer has taken over his brain, no energy, not himself, not coherent, he does not forget his love for his heavenly father and God's unconditional love for David and all of us. Thanking God for that moment today and reminding me....your husband has not forgotten my love and hope, and you should not either........
My last amazing:)

With Love, 

The Hurst 

Pictures from our Denver trip