I am writing this the few minutes I could sneak away from David. And I apologize in advance for any misspellings. This is not the email that I planned to write. So much is not in our hands I continue to learn but also learned today God really has perfect timing.......
Today David woke up with his worst headache yet. We drove to MD Anderson for our consult with the radiation oncologist, which was scheduled yesterday to determine our plan of treatment. David's headache was so bad he sat there the whole time in the waiting room with his sunglasses on not saying a word, this continued to the room where we waited for our consult, with all plans to head home today. Once the doctor came in at 2:30 p.m. to consult with us, my brave and courageous husband struggled so hard to answer any question and to make any sense at all. They started asking questions on what year it is and where he was, how to spell World, simple addition you name it, and David answered thinking he was giving the right answer, but instead saying 1977, 100-95 was 10,11,12...they immediatley rushed us to the ER and think that is when my world just feel apart. David has always been the communciator on all his medical care. All of a sudden, I had a team of doctors asking me several questions and I had no idea the answers let alone was trying to hold it together, which was not happening. After a CT Scan we found that David did not have any brain bleeds! PRAISE THE LORD! But, that there was some swelling. Not too much but some. Amazing how one little change in this tumor can cause what it did today. Sitting in the ER I was blessed to have David's parents with me the whole time. To help and guide me as the doctors talked about surgery and the hopes for the steroids to work to get the swelling down. They continued to asked questions, and the answers this time were just 10/21/70 ( his birthdate) The only answer he did get right, was who I was :) Which made me feel pretty special. We were then sent to the ICU. David wasn't even in the ICU after both brain surgerys. The whole experience very scary. I just wanted that chance to talk to David and have him have a normal conversation one more time. Before to the ICU, David did ask in so many small words to talk to the kids. We called them and he said popsicles over and over again, which I think means he really loves them:)) His way of saying I love you.
Once to ICU, we were told to be in waiting room why they got him settled. At 845 they got us to go back and PRAISE THE LORD! He took his sunglasses off for the first time. The light was not bothering him. He was talking... laughing. He still is answering with the wrong answer sometimes, but hey we can handle that. I cuddled all close to him and while his parents and him were talking , I managed to just fall asleep for 15 min and have some sleep and peace. I could tell him I love him again and I could hold his hand.
In an hour he has an MRI. With the MRI we hope to see if this is swelling or tumor pushing on his brain. Whatever the MRI says will tell us our next step. If it is tumor surgery may not be an option. If not an option, then we continue praying that by the power of God the steroids push down whatever it is pushing on his brain. We are praying they work and we can start some chemo treatments that don't involve a risky surgery.
Our walk this past two years has been one sheltered by God and sheilded from the tragedy of Brain Cancer. Today, was by far, the scariest day of my life. I had so much fear and sadness, but never doubted my faith and continued to remind myself, this sucks I do not have to like this. God has not asked me to like this. My prayer has always been for David to not get weak. I don't know why today happened...and I do not know what is too come. But, I do give thanks today for the fact that this happened, while we were at MD Anderson. There was no plan to be here. But, God knew this would happened. He knew where we needed to be and who could help me handle this best. It also happened when my whole family is visiting. Although I am not with them, they are the best for my kids and are at home with them snuggling.
Tonight we anxiously await a Waco support system, some clothes, a wonderful physcian friend of Davids who will be here to help when they tell me the MRI Results. My family will arrive this weekend to help continue the care of the kids.
Please, pray boldy tonight. Pray that whatever is to come that God will sheild David from pain. PRAY FOR MIRACULOUS healing! God has already been miraculous! The doctors did not sound too hopeful about the steroids working and they are! God can do the IMPOSSIBLE! I am allowed to sleep in the ICU room with David tonight, pray for God to give us both peace together.
With Love,
Dana
