Sunday, October 27, 2013

The end

You read a story and you wait until it is going to end.  A really good story you read so fast, you rush it, you can't wait to see what the finale is. 

I waited for that Saturday. I kept trying to create that. I saw David going, we provided David with pain medicine. I did not leave his side, looking around that room, crazy thinking I was going to see some spirit coming to get him. Kept looking, but no supernatural experience:))) There was nothing. Just silence and his deep breathing. It was him and I. I told him everything I wanted to say. I read books on how you tell your loved one goodbye, what to say so they will let go. I made many promises, that now sit here thinking, oh goodness did I really say that??  I can see David in heaven saying, oh yes you did:))) For the first time in 3 1/2 weeks it was just him and I in our home. He was peaceful, but he was dying. I wanted this experience to be beautiful. I closed the windows the night before, because Texas allergies are the worst. This was the first time I closed them in 3 1/2 weeks because the weather has been so beautiful, but it wasn't enough for a raging cough for everyone in my home. He was peaceful, our home was peaceful. I lit candles, I turned down the lights, I laid by his bedside and cried out to the Lord to take him with dignity, but still nothing.

It had been almost an hour after everyone left and I remembered what I had told Parker just a few days earlier. How do we feel when we can't touch? I gave David a kiss and told him I would be right back. I walked out our back porch and sat in the grass. To do what I told Parker to do just a few days earlier. To sit outside and feel. I looked up into the sky and just asked God, what else do you want from me? What do I need to do? I felt God saying, stop looking for that perfect finale. I am that perfect finale. Stop looking and just listen. Many may ask. No, I didn't hear this big voice from heaven speak this. But, just like I tell my three year old, I felt God and he was telling me this. I closed my eyes and did what I told Parker just 3 days earlier. I listened. It was then that there was a breeze and I heard the front door slam. (remember i was in the back). I immediately looked back as I thought someone had walked in our house, saw the privacy of the moment and left. As we have averaged 15 visitors a day in our home. But, then it clicked to me, the front door was locked and then I knew. I ran inside and went in the bedroom and David was gone. He looked just like he was sleeping and I knew and felt, he was gone. He went right out the front door, the moment there was no one in the house for the first time in 3 1/2 weeks. Even me. He knew that even though I wanted that experience to see his soul leave... it would freak me out for years to come:))) It also confirmed to me how beautiful, peaceful heaven is, that David simply walked out the front door and I heard it so that I could have my closure he was gone. My children were at a birthday party a few doors down, I believe with all my heart that he went out that front door so he could stop by that birthday party and see them one more time. It was the perfect finale, and I did not create it, it happened and it continued to happen.

For weeks I told everyone I wanted to be alone when this happened, but sitting there with David's body, I realized I could not say goodbye to it with out support of friends. So, within minutes of hospice arriving, friends arrived. Right away, they all said, go outside you have to look above your house. With a bottle of wine, we took glasses outside and sat in the grass and looked up in the sky. It was the most beautiful sun, with blue clouds all over. Our pastor then showed up and offered to pray. We sat in a circle and began to pray and that is when the finale continued.......

                                                      A friend took this picture, this was minutes after David's death above our home. 

One year, one month ago, I lost my dear friend Wren. Many followed her story and know the relationship and friendship we had. Watching her die was the hardest thing to go through. The first person I ever saw pass.  A mother of three young ones. Her faith amazing. Many also know it doesn't rain in Central Texas very often. And in October we may get a shower or two, but not much if any. We are drought central. The day I held Wren's hand in the hospital and she decided to go home and start hospice,  it poured down rain. We got her in the car and I told her I wanted to walk in the rain. For me, many know, I feel rain is God's way of washing away all the tears and beautifying life all around you. I think rain is beautiful. That week with hospice Wren and I joked how we were going to get her rain boots and the next time it rains we were going to take her wheel chair out and dance in it:) David knew this and thought I was crazy! But, he always thought I was:) The day of Wren's funeral it DOWN POURED! I told David, this is her gift to me. After the funeral, David and I walked to the car. We decided to just get wet. Embrace it. We laughed as we got in the car. It was 2 in the afternoon. We had a babysitter and we were soaking wet. We decided to go to a movie, a funny one. But, we were starving. But, where could we eat and be drenched like we were? We went to Pei Wei. We had never been. We thought it must be fast! It's by the theater! And who cares if we are wet. We ate there. 

So back to our finale.... October 26th.... friends and I sat there with a glass of wine out on the grass and looked at the beautiful sun and sky above my home. The pastor showed up. We sat in a circle outside and he prayed. As he prayed, we held hands. Minutes into the prayer, it began to rain. It rained and rained.  It began as a drizzle, just enough to feel and to continue praying. Hospice later told us, as we prayed, it was just raining over our home. We finished our prayer and we began to cry. Pastor Brady said ( he knew my thoughts on rain) Dana, open your eyes to all the signs David is showing you.... And then it thundered! We all laughed, David would totally scare the day lights out of me with this.  We sat in the rain and embraced it. It rained for 3 hours. Lighting, thunder, hail. Every funny story we shared about David, another thunder. It was BEAUTIFUL. And just when I thought it was done..... a neighbor called and asked if she could bring me some food.... I was starving and said sure. At this point it was after 8. She showed up and I realized she never really asked what I wanted, but I didn't care, I could have ate a cow at that point. When she walked in, what do you know she was carrying Pei Wei. She had no idea and that is when I knew, David and God sent me more signs then I could have ever imagined. I also believe Wren was right there with David watching over every detail. It is opening your eyes to the little amazing things in life that God does for you to see the big picture, the finale.... God had is finale planned. I didn't need to create it, it was created before I David and I existed. David left with peace and love and let me know, just like I had asked, that he is OK and that he will love me forever and always...... and we will see each other again........................

Tonight I tell my kids. And I ask for prayers of strength. As it is now me and them. Our new Team Hurst. Little things like Donuts with Daddy this coming week and ski adventures will be hard. And that is when I feel the weakest, pray for strength that I can honor David daily and be the parent he was to them and love them and show them, just like their daddy did, how to live. That we together as a family, will live carrying David with us each day. 

The Memorial Service will be held Saturday, November 2nd 10 a.m.  First Baptist Woodway Church, Waco, TX.